Hole in My Heart Podcast

Episode 202: Season 6 Wrap and Q & A Part 2 with Laurie, Matt, and Steve

Today, we wrap up season six by asking Matt, Laurie, and Steve if we have met our goal for the season: “Do you feel like you can walk into any room confidently because your identity is more rooted in Christ?”
So, have we? :D
We truthfully answer this question as well as:
What we do when we feel tempted toward sexual sin or with wanting to buy everything in Pottery Barn?
How is Laurie’s health? Has it changed?
How do we engage with believers who are clearly “producing fruit,” but are choosing to walk outside of God’s design for marriage?
//Highlights:
“When it comes to relational conflict, the message I often tell myself is, ‘Resolution is the goal.’ I am learning that transformation is the goal. The issue may not be resolved (or easily resolved), but I am called to stay present in it when all I want to do is make it go away.” —Steve O’Dell
“To have someone who is my friend love me in the midst of wrestling with sexual temptation removes a layer of shame, and makes me feel like, ‘Okay. I’m actually normal. I just want idols instead of God like everyone else.’”—Laurie Krieg
“As much as we look at other people’s hearts, we have to first look at our own.” —Matt Krieg
//Question of the Week:
We want to hear from you all!
Drop a review or let us know what you think of the podcast this season by emailing podcast@lauriekrieg.com or joining the HIMH Podcast FB group!
(Search it, answer a couple of questions, and you will be in!)
//Do the Next Thing:
We mention this episode with Branson Parler
We mention this episode with Alison Cook
And this episode with Toni Collier
We also talk about our episode with David Bennett here
To join the podcast conversation, find us here
Watch the episode on Youtube here
Thanks for a great season!

Episode 201: Q & A: Kids, Libraries, and the Pros & Cons of Coming Out with Laurie, Matt, and Steve

The lines are open, friends, and we are taking your questions today! What questions?
How do you recommend talking with young kids about LGBTQ things/the definition of marriage?
Should marriage make us happy or holy? (Or is that the wrong question to ask?)
What qualifies as abuse in a relationship? (How does it compare to misuse of a person?)
How should we engage with libraries where they prominently display books that are LGBTQIA-affirming (of transitioning or same-sex relationships)?
What are the pros and cons of coming out/sharing your story? Pull up a chair, and join the dialogue!
//Highlights:
“Matt and my philosophy of parenting is: Here is reality. How can we dole that out in gentle, slow, repetitive conversations at varying levels of age-appropriateness so that when they encounter [same-sex relationships or wrestling with gender] in their schools, churches, or in themselves they are not caught off guard and hide, nor are they caught off guard and jump to Love is Love.” —Laurie Krieg
“My definition of abuse is that it is a systemic maltreatment or dismissal of the dignity of another person verbally, physically, or emotionally.”—Matt Krieg
“You know and I know that everywhere you go there are people … who still make gay jokes a decent amount. If it’s not gay jokes, then it’s ‘*Gasp*! Oh, it’s June! The flag, and the Pride!’ And you’re sitting there, and even though you have zero rainbow flags, you’re not going to Pride, and you’re wrestling with your own heart, you don’t feel safe sharing with them now because they are so exasperated about people like you.”—Laurie Krieg
//Question of the Week:
Where would you like to visit that you have not been? (Thanks for joining the conversation!)
//Do the Next Thing:
A blog Laurie wrote about how to come out/share your story here
Want to share feedback about the season with the hosts?
Email us: podcast@lauriekrieg.com
Or, find Laurie on Instagram here
Watch the podcast here

Episode 200: ”I am Healing for...” with Toni Collier

Oh, man…from start to finish this conversation sings…!
Author and ministry leader, Toni Collier, helps us to finish the final “I am” in our identity series by exploring “I am healing for…”
What we mean by this is when you’re going through a dark time, have you ever considered the people you will impact if you keep going through the darkness to the light?
What if you gave up? Whom would that affect?
Although we never want to have the core of our healing work be for other people (ideally, that motivation is for God and for ourselves), others are valuable to consider as they can energize our healing journey.
What else do we talk about?
How did a performance-driven heart drive Toni when she wasn’t following the Lord and when she was?
What might Toni say to someone really wrestling with depression today?
How did Toni start caring more about what Jesus thinks than others?
//Highlights:
“The thing that brought me out of my depression and suicidal ideation was people who said, ‘We will be with you in the valleys, but we won’t leave you there.’” —Toni Collier
“Ya know? I just don’t think I care what anyone else thinks but God. I don’t know what happened, something clicked… If I just solely care what He thinks, then through that lens I should treat others with kindness and respect and honor and show up.” —Toni Collier
“When I was able to start saying ‘No’ to people that’s when my ‘Yes’ to Jesus became bigger, more consistent, and more clear.”—Toni Collier
//Question of the Week:
Are you a hot box or a cold box or just right? (Do you run hot, cold, or just right? You guys had a lot of opinions about menopause on this one lol)
//Do the Next Thing:
Find all of Toni’s work here
Snag the video here
Catch all of WCSG’s work here
Hear our last episode with Toni and her husband, Sam here

Episode 199: I am Worthy of Care with Alison Cook

Today, we talk codependence (over-reliance on people for our sense of stability), counter-dependence (under-reliance on people), and interdependence (healthy dependence on people) on the podcast, and the conversation does not disappoint.
Psychologist and author, Dr. Alison Cook, leads us biblically through questions about codependence as well as:
Is it right or wrong to put others first?
How can we be both worthy of care yet also “conceived in sin” (Ps. 51:5)
How can we trust again after being burned by others?
How does all of this relate to our identity?
Pull up an earbud, friends. This is a great one.
//Highlights
“If I had a word for pastors, I would say: Don’t assume that folks are coming in with a healthy relationship with the self before we ask them to die to it.” —Alison Cook
“We change in the context of care and compassion verses in the context of condemnation and judgement and criticism. That’s just what’s true psychologically… ‘God’s kindness is what leads us to repentance.’ (Rom. 2:4).” —Alison Cook
“In a healthy home there is that balance of, ‘You are so important, you matter, you are worthy, I am here for you, my dear child. And, as a part of that, I want to equip you to go out among other people and from that place of knowing how valuable you are, shine that light of value onto others.’ That’s a very different thing than, ‘Put others first! You don’t matter. It’s more about them!’ That’s not actually true. It’s because I know I matter, and I have experienced what it feels like to matter to God I can come into your life and shine some of that onto you—that you matter just like I matter.”—Alison Cook
“Learning how to trust again after one has been wounded? … ‘I was hurt in the past, I don’t ever want to depend on somebody again.’ To me that’s a cue that we need to repair something in the self. ‘What cues did I ignore? It’s not my fault and there his no shame in that, but I did ignore some cues…How will I do that differently next time?’ … Oh, that’s hard when you have been burned.”—Alison Cook
//Question of the Week:
What healthy food makes you feel sad when you eat it? (Ya'll are funny.)
//Do the Next Thing:
Watch the podcast here
Hear Alison with us the last time she was on the podcast talking about how to deal with overwhelming thoughts and emotions here  
Find Alison’s latest book along with all of her work here

Episode 198: I am Befriended with Sheridan Voysey

What is it about adult friendships that can make them so hard to cultivate?
People move, change, or we simply lose touch. What is the secret of friendship making (and keeping)? (Is there one?)
Author and founder of The Friendship Lab, Sheridan Voysey, is back on the podcast today to help us unpack these questions as well as:
Why is friendship often overlooked?
Is it true that 1 out of 4 adults in the Western world has no close friends? —What are the four characteristics of a true friend?
How does knowing we are befriended relate to our identity in Christ? You’re welcome to pull up a seat at the friendly podcast table!
//Highlights:
“We have a huge friendship crisis going on in the Western world right now. Here in the United Kingdom, somewhere between 20 to 25 percent of all British adults…have no close friends. And, 1 in 10 people…have no friends at all. That’s roughly echoed in America…with 30 to 40 percent of [American] people over the age of 35 being chronically lonely… Around 1 in 4 people in Australia have no close friends. So, we have this 25 percent rate floating around the Western world, and 10 percent have no friends at all. I really felt God saying, ‘What if you were to focus on that figure, and bringing it down? What would that take?’ And I thought, ‘My goodness, a book would not scratch that itch.’” —Sheridan Voysey
“This whole stigma around loneliness, stigma around friendlessness—everybody in the world (even if they simply go and move houses) will find themselves lonely for a time and need to make new friends. So, we all go through this, and we need to de-stigmatize it.” —Sheridan Voysey
//Question of the Week:
In what outfit would artist draw your cartoon character? (Because you wear it so often?)
//Do the Next Thing:
Watch the video here
Listen to Sheridan’s last episode with us about wrestling through infertility and other life disappointments here
Learn more about Sheridan’s Friendship Lab
Read Sheridan’s work here
Sheridan mentions the book, 'Theology of Play' by Jurgen Moltmann

Episode 197: I am Known with Joan Rozeboom

Humanity’s desire to “be known” starts somewhere deep in the soul.
However, when some of us experience being known, it can be such a jarring experience that we move toward a couple of options: Stoicism (“I’m good without that deep knowing…that’s too uncomfortable…”) or addiction/consumption (“I need that feeling more!”).
What’s the proper response to being known by God and others? With friend of the podcast, Joan Rozeboom, we cover this topic as well as:
How does Joan, a single foster mom, feel known by God and others?
What parts of us need to be known and what need to be “put to death” as Paul says in Colossians 3:3-10)?
How can single people and married people truly know each other like Jesus prays for us to know one another in John 17:21)? Join us?
//Highlights:
“God, I don’t understand how this can be your best for me but you promised you will withhold no good thing from me. So, I am going to reject the lie that God is withholding something good, and I am going to believe that God has a great purpose in this. And I am going to rest in Him even if I never see the good or the purpose this side of eternity.’” —Joan Rozeboom
“The reality is you are left out as a single person a lot--I don’t want to downplay that at all. But when my perspective changed to: How can I serve? Who can I invite in? How can I go up to someone who is new and invite them instead of standing there and saying, ‘Why is no one welcoming me?’ When that perspective changed, that changed everything for me in my interactions in the church.” —Joan Rozeboom
“When we understand how truly known and fully loved by God we really are? We don’t *need* to find these things in other places. It’s nice if someone else knows me, but I don’t *need it* from them because I *have it* from God.” —Joan Rozeboom
//Question of the Week:
Are you a finder or a loser? (Your listener stories are hilarious!)
//Do the Next Thing:
Watch this episode here 
Hit us up with your questions/comments at podcast@lauriekrieg.com
Here are some sample Identity Statements you’re welcome to steal and adapt for yourself!
I am loved by God (Jer. 31:3, Mark 5:41)
I am made on purpose (Eph. 2:10)
I am healing for _________  (Matt. 28:19)
I am learning to love all of the parts of me (1 Jn. 4:19-20)
I am made perfect because of the cross alone (Heb. 10:14)
I am valuable, and proof of my value is in my existence (Ps. 139:16-17)
I am about the process not perfection (John 21:15-17)
I am redeemed (1 Cor. 6:17)
I am safe in God’s hands (Matt. 10:28)
I am known by God; He knows my health, my mind, my emotions everything— when no one else does, not even me (Ps. 139:13-18)
I am learning to do all to the glory of God (Col. 3:17)
I am forgiven (Rom. 5:8)
I am nurtured by God; he cares for my every need (Luke 12:6-7)
I am loved by a God who is for me (Romans 8:31-34)
I am learning to reparent myself with God (1 John 3:1)
I am worthy of care because I am imago Dei (Gen. 1:27)
I am capable because of His strength in me (Galatians 2:20, 2 Cor. 12:8-9)
I am running my own race therefore I never need to envy (Psalm 23, 37, Matthew 6)
I am chosen. (Eph. 1:4)
I am loved by a God who is in control of all things (Eph. 1:21)
I am foolish to put any confidence in my human effort. All I can do is boast about what Christ Jesus has done for me. (Phil. 3:3, 7-11)

Episode 196: I am Redeemed with Branson Parler

Today, we continue our identity series by exploring our deep-rooted need to know we are redeemed.
Why? How?
We ask these questions and more of our guest, theologian and author, Branson Parler. We also explore…
What if we feel we are too far gone to be redeemed?
How does suffering play into this conversation?
How does all of this help us walk with friends who wrestle with gender?
//Highlights:
“In last couple of years, God said to me, ‘Are you anchored in who I am or in who you are? Will you walk away from your job as a tenured professor of theology at a college to do this new thing I am calling you to that is going to serve the church? … Will you let go of this and walk into any room confident because you are a child of God?’” —Dr. Branson Parler
“A key myth in our world is that we can resolve suffering. ‘There are ways we can *now* get rid of all that.’ Unfortunately, a lot of churches perpetuated this notion: ‘If you just prayed this way you wouldn’t have dysphoria or have this sense that there is no alignment!’ … When I look at the body of Jesus, it is a suffering body. It is a body that goes through cross and resurrection. … [However] I can’t say that to somebody who is wrestling with questions of gender identity if I have not myself asked, ‘How is Jesus calling me to take up my cross?’” —Dr. Branson Parler
//Question of the Week:
What is one joke you don’t forget? (Branson has some real cringe ones for us!)
//Do the Next Thing:
Find Branson’s ministry here
Read Branson's book here
We reference Branson’s other episodes with us.
Find “How to Talk with the Kids” here
Find “The Problems with Polyamory” here
We reference the conversation with Pete Scazerro, too. Find “How to Be Emotionally Healthy” here
We reference Embodied by Preston Sprinkle. Find it here
Watch the episode here

Episode 195: Identity Series Intro // I am Loved by God with Laurie, Matt, and Steve

If you take away how people perceive you and how you perform tasks, what is left of you?
Today on the podcast, we are launching a series on identity with the goal to help us know who we are “in Christ” so deeply that we can walk into any room with confidence.
Join us today as we talk about the origin of this series as well as:
What comes to mind when you think of yourself?
Why did engaging the sexuality conversation attack Laurie’s identity so deeply?
What are some of our “templates” or defaults of how we perceive ourselves, and how can we shift them if they are unhealthy and/or sinful?
//Highlights:
“I’ve been doing this conversation for nearly a decade now, and I’m going to be one to push the brakes and not the gas when it comes to anxiety over this thing…. [But] I sense the enemy is trying to attack who we are—our identity. He’s been doing that since Adam and Eve, but there is something extra right now. And instead of roll over and say, ‘Whatever!’  Let’s engage it with grace and truth and courage.” —Laurie Krieg
“I was driving down the Beltline and I was weeping. ‘Okay, try to stay together, I’m driving! I need to be able to see the road.’ I was weeping the whole time, because it was like God saying ‘Don’t you worry my child, I will hold you.’” —Matt Krieg

“If you guys use Microsoft Word [you may know] you can do File—>New—>From Template….  ‘Oh, there is my old template.’ Seeing myself as a shell as a person who is only good for giving to others and doesn’t have worth in and of herself… I can wake up every day and say, “File—>New—>From Template: Worthless. File—>New—>From Template: You have to perform your to get value (or be perfect). What are your templates?” —Laurie Krieg
//Question of the Week:
What do you always say in your "about me" after "I am a child of God, etc..." Or what WOULD you say if you were brave enough. “I am…”
//Do the Next Thing:
Watch this episode here
Let us know what you think of the episode or ask us anything by emailing: podcast@lauriekrieg.com
Continue the conversation by joining the HIMH Podcast Facebook group here

Episode 194: Let’s Define Some Things with Laurie, Matt, and Steve

Whenever we hear people talking about some of the topics we engage in (sexuality, marriage, addiction, sin, repentance, trauma, etc.), we hyper-tune our ears for what they believe and how they hold to what they believe.
If you’re curious about our views, this is the episode for you!
Today, we answer:
What is our philosophy of approaching the LGBTQIA conversation?
Why do we start the sexuality conversation with talking about the purpose of our lives?
Why do we usually use “LGBTQIA” and not “same-sex attracted”? (But we are willing to use either?)
How do we view inborn sin vs. internal, created-order goodness?
How might we encourage you to respond when someone tells you “I am gay?”
//Highlights:
“We need to submit all of these identities to Christ. Whether that is our sexual identity (heterosexual, not straight, LGBTQIA, etc.), or being a mom, or being a white evangelical in America. Am I submitting all of my identities to Christ and letting him sift out the garbage because there is garbage in all of it?” —Laurie Krieg
“If you go into a hyper-conservative situation and you say, ‘I am gay,’ they might be picturing the most extreme stereotype they have that might be very inaccurate to the way you live your life. Vice versa, if you go into a more liberal community or within the LGBTQIA community and you say, ‘I’m same sex attracted,’ that might be a trigger for them to think, ‘Oh, this is an ex-gay narrative, and they think I need to be straight in order to be saved’ (and that’s not what you mean). Therefore, changing the words that you use based on the context helps you to be more understood.” —Matt Krieg
//Question of the Week:
What is your favorite or least favorite word?
//Do the Next Thing:
To watch this episode visit here
We mention this episode with Michael Card: 
We talk about this episode on shame
Request to join us at the HIMH FB page here
Email us your questions or thoughts at podcast@lauriekrieg.com
We mention Core Needs. Here is that list:
Affirmed: Overwhelmingly approved of (Ps. 118:6, 2 Cor. 1:21-22)
Desired: Specially chosen—no pretense necessary (Is. 41:0, John 15:16)
Included: Wanted in this group, team, or partnership; I belong (Is. 43:1, Eph. 2:19)
Loved: Unconditionally accepted (Jer. 31:3, Rom. 8:39)
Nurtured: Cared for; held (Is. 40:28, Matt. 23:37)
Purposed: Filled with a sense of profoundly mattering (Ps. 57:2, Rom. 8:28)
Rested: Re-centered and reset in mind, body, spirit; includes having fun (Ex. 23:12, Ps. 127:2)
Delighted In: Seen as unique and special (Ps. 139:14, 1 Cor. 12:27)
Protected: Unafraid; trusting everything is under control (Prov. 18:10, Matt. 10:28)
Noticed: Seen inside and out (Gen. 16:13, Ps. 139:7-8)
 

Episode 193: Who Wants to Hear Our Stories? with Laurie, Matt, and Steve

We do! Who is Steve? Who is Laurie? Who is Matt? 
Today, we are going to get to know the people behind the microphones. 
Steve shares his story of depression, feeling inauthentic, and finding hope in Jesus in the midst of addiction. Matt offers his journey of depression and subsequent porn addiction in marriage. Laurie shares how she learned to trust Matt again after his deception and addiction, as well as shares her own story of wrestling with attractions to the same sex throughout her entire life.
As always, the team shows the gritty reality and beautiful glory of following Jesus in real life.
**Content/Trigger Warning:  Laurie shares a brief and not graphic reference to her sexual molestation when she was 11.
//Question of the Week:
How would you finish the following… “Nothing gets geriatric [insert your generation] going like… [insert something your generation loves like Coldplay, Polly Pockets, hair bands, or something else that your generation loves!]”
//Highlights:
“God did answer the prayer, but … I was like, ‘It needs to look like this. It needs to happen like this… where I don’t get in trouble. Where I don’t get exposed--and I can maintain my image.’” —Steve O’Dell
“Because of what we have been going through with Laurie’s health stuff, I am completely powerless. That is is hard for me. I want to escape… [but] God is helping me not to disconnect. “ —Matt Krieg
“Steve, I so relate (and to Matt, you too!) to that double life. We so want our churches to be these authentic places, but we are not great at knowing how to work with mess.”—Laurie Krieg
//Do the Next Thing:
Watch a video version of the episode here
For all of the podcast episodes, visit www.Lauriekrieg.com/podcast
We reference the Broken/Beloved Pastors series, and you can find the first episode in that series here