Hole in My Heart Podcast

Episode 215: A Testimony of Surrendered Gender with Kyla Gillespie

Oh, wow. This story. 
How does one woman go from a childhood of following Jesus as much as she knows how, to professional hockey, to same-sex relationships, to transitioning to male for six years, to finding the real Jesus, and then to de-transitioning in the midst of a loving church community?
This episode has her story.
Hear a testimony and take part in a conversation on how to walk well with people who wrestle with gender today on the podcast.
 
// Highlights:
“I was crying out to God on the bedroom floor, and I heard him say, ‘Kyla. Return to me.’ And I was like, ‘What do you mean, return to you? Can’t I follow you and be Brycen?’ I heard him very clearly say to me, ‘No.’ I was weeping: ‘I don’t know what this looks like. Can I ever be female again?’ And he said to me, ‘Do you trust me and are you willing?’ And I cried out in that moment, ‘Yes!’” --Kyla Gillespie
“Do we think we are powerful enough in ourselves to change and will somebody to love Jesus? Or do we believe in the power of the Holy Spirit who saves and changes people? That’s what [the people who discipled me] did. They called me to this gospel, but they loved me in the mess.” --Kyla Gillespie
“It’s always different when we have face-to-face relationships. Suddenly all those things we did and said on the internet turn into, ‘Oh, maybe that wasn’t so kind or so nice or so gentle. Maybe I didn’t love you the way I’m commanded to love you.’” --Kyla Gillespie
// Question of the Week:
What was your favorite childhood cereal?
// Do the Next Thing:
Find Kyla’s ministry here
Search her on IG here
Join the HIMH Podcast Group here
Watch the episode here

Episode 214: What is Uniquely Hard and Hopeful for Married People Now? With Chris Bruno and Tracy Johnson

Is anyone else feeling like they are in a rut in their marriage?
Maybe you’re not in crisis mode, but it’s kinda just . . . meh?
It’s easy to function; to sit on opposite couches and scroll on your phone. But, do you wonder if marriage could be better than that—not with some fantastical potion or even a weekend intensive per se, but what if it began with small, simple movements of risk toward one another?
Today, marriage experts Tracy Johnson and Chris Bruno guide those of us who feel “in a rut” toward a gentle path of hope.
How? 
Grab a coffee drink you’ve never ordered before (you’ll get this reference after you listen ;)), and pull up an earbud.
(Oh, and single friends? Thanks for listening and being a friend to us as we figure out this heavenly metaphor as you figure out yours. (See episode 213 for more on this.))
// Highlights:
“In the last couple of years we have seen couples move into a devolution of trust. People have stepped away from a posture of generosity toward their spouses into a posture of protection.” —Chris Bruno 
“What I have found with the couples that we are working with is . . . they are profoundly disconnected and incredibly lonely. The surgeon general’s report that came out in May that the greatest mental health crisis we are facing as a country is actually tied to loneliness, and we are seeing the manifestation of that in the couples that are coming to us. They say, ‘I’m so lonely. How can I be so lonely in this marriage?’ . . . but without the tools to bridge that disconnection.” —Tracy Johnson
“We live in a broken world where we assume, ‘If I risk, I will be missed.’ But what if we begin to build some trust so that we think, ‘If I risk, what if I am seen’?” —Chris Bruno
// QOTW:
What is *in* for you for 2024, and what is *out*?
 
// Do the Next Thing:
Find Tracy and Chris’ work here
That year of good dates?? Here
Chris and Tracy's ReStory Counseling here
Thrive YouTube? Here
Matt and Laurie’s fave marriage book? Here
Laurie and Matt’s marriage book? Here
Join the HIMH Pod FB page here! 
Watch it here

Episode 213: The Value of Singleness with Dani Treweek

We are going to talk about singleness until we as the Church get this right, friends.
People talk about how marriage gives us a vision of eternity in how two different people seeking union shows the world a picture of how God (who is so different from us) will be one with His church. But, how does singleness show us a picture of what we will experience in the new heavens and new earth?
Author and ministry leader, Dani Treweek, is here to tell us how.
 
// Highlights:
“I have become absolutely convinced that singleness is not just the absence of something good, but it is the presence of something good.”  —Dani Treweek
“The industrial revolution…took the household and made it the privatized refuge from the dirty dark world of work outside. That meant that the relationships in the household became much more based on emotion and intimate ties, and the household became much more insular…. That had an impact on singleness because suddenly, singleness became the absence of those things. Singleness didn’t have a place in the household, but adjacent to it.” —Dani Treweek
“We see in Scripture like 1 Corinthians 7 Paul saying, ‘Singleness is good. Marriage is good. Get on and live for Jesus, guys.’ Throughout all of church history we have struggled to hold that equilibrium.”  —Dani Treweek
“Marriage and singleness are not in competition with each other. They complement each other. They need each other to make sense of each other in the church, and to make sense of who we are as the church.”  —Dani Treweek
“We are going to be our most perfectly human selves in the next age—perfectly known and knowing perfectly, perfectly loved and loving perfectly—and we are going to do that as men and women with bodies but who are not married to each other and who are not having sex with each other. That actually says that we don’t need to be married and sexually active in our lives here and now in this creation in order to be fully human.”  —Dani Treweek
// Do the Next Thing:
Find Dani’s work (and book!) here
You can follower her Substack here
You can find her ministry is here
Join our HIMH Podcast FB Page here
Watch the episode here

Episode 212: How We Are Doing 2024 Differently with Laurie, Matt, and Steve

It’s the end of 2023, so we are reflecting, looking ahead, and asking, “Do Laurie and Steve look alike?” Lol… (Matt and Laurie’s kids seem to think so…)
HOWEVER, the conversation mostly revolves around…
What did we learn in 2023?
Based on what we learned, how do we want to engage 2024 with more wisdom?
What simple tool did and are we using (and you can use, too) to plan the year?
 
Grab the last of the egg nog, and let’s hang out!
 
// Highlights:
“There were times throughout this year that God felt really distant. But in that, I found myself longing for His presence.”—Steve
“I started to find that the gym is the place I can tend to myself. I am not working with clients. I am not getting not getting milk for the kids. I am just there. No headphones on. In silence, lifting weights.” —Matt
“The default of life is to chase fires and try to put them out. That’s how we were living and that’s how we can mostly live. I don’t want to do that all of the time . . . It’s hard to play and laugh.” —Laurie
 
// Question of the Week:
There is no question of the week officially, but we DO want to know: Do Laurie and Steve look alike? :D
 
// Do the Next Thing:
The list of Core Needs can be found here with the 2024 printable
That Core Needs Series? Here
The Gardens series? Here
Our Impossible Marriage book? Here
Watch the podcast video here

Episode 211: Just Breathe; We Don’t Have to Be Perfect with Bonnie Gray

This time of year can feel unfair:
“Just kick back and enjoy the season! But also get the perfect present for everyone. But don’t do too much! #selfcare But do enough so that you tell people you love and appreciate them. But don’t! But also do.”
Thank the Lord we brought in our friend and wellness expert, Bonnie Gray, to help us learn how to approach this and every season not with another way to perfectly-imperfectly self-care your way into health and wholeness, but to sink deeply into the love of Jesus.
We also discuss:
Are people either helpers or those who are helped?
What does the left brain/right brain have to do with this conversation?
How can soul care be more than taking a bath or vegging out on our favorite TV show?
What simple practices can we begin today to calm anxiety?
// Highlights:
“Being lonely, stressed, sad, or anxious doesn’t mean we are not strong. It just means we need to be loved.” —Bonnie Gray
“We try to feel better by thinking our way out of stress, but we need to nurture our way to relieve stress.” —Bonnie Gray
“Research shows that taking a ten minute walk outside lowers cortisol and releases the happy hormone serotonin more than 45 minutes working out at the gym.”—Bonnie Gray
// Question of the Week:
 
What is your go-to TV genre?
 
// Do the Next Thing:
That soul care quiz? Here
Her book? Here
Our HIMH Pod FB Group? Here
Contact us? podcast@lauriekrieg.com 
Watch the episode? Here: https://www.youtube.com/@wcsgradio

Episode 210: How Purity Culture Affected Men with Zachary Wagner

Ya’ll. This episode. 
It could put language to some things some of us have been holding onto for too long. How? Author and scholar Zach Wagner, author of ‘Non-Toxic Masculinity,’ unpacks:
What is toxic masculinity?
How does it relate to Purity Culture?
How did Purity Culture affect both men and women?
How can men and women approach each other with a gospel lens instead of a sexual-threat lens?
How do we process the science (or is it even science?) that men are more visual than women?
How can men (and women) heal from what was taught?
If you wonder if you have been affected by Purity Culture in any way, this episode may be for you.
 
// Highlights: 
“It is not male to be sexual. It is human to be sexual.” —Zachary Wagner
“Purity culture was overly formulaic in its thinking about human sexuality and relationships. It’s just ‘Do this, do this, and do this, and you’ll get a good result.’ But that’s just not how life works in a broken world.” —Zachary Wagner
“What is toxic masculinity? The way I define it is that it is a way of living out your male embodiment that dehumanizes yourself and/or others.” —Zachary Wagner
“As well intentioned as these resources were [such as ‘Every Man’s Battle’], I fear that they sometimes created a self-fulfilling prophecy where a toxic version of masculinity from the broader culture (the stereotype that ‘men only think about one thing’) was … baptized and Christianized. It turned into, ‘That is how God made men.’ Not something that men should mature out of.” —Zachary Wagner
“I don’t think we should be telling young men, ‘Hey, you’re visual. That’s just how it goes!’ You should say, ‘Hey, if you find yourself visually sinning against other people, you need to stop treating them like objects and start treating them like humans.’” —Zachary Wagner
// Question of the Week:
Is there a time of day you seem to always look at the clock? What time is that? Why do you think you look at the clock at that time every day?
 
// Do the Next Thing:
Find Zachary’s book here
You can find all of his work here
He is also onTwitter/X and Instagram at @ZacharyCWagner
You can watch the episode here
Listen to an episode that has views from a women's perspective with Rachel Joy Welcher here 

Episode 209: Courageous Pastors: The East Coast with Aaron Henning

How would you pastor a congregation filled with a range of people from academics to farmers, and then walk them through the human sexuality conversation?
Pastor Aaron Henning, lead pastor at State College Alliance Church in Pennsylvania, tells us how engaged the topic with a congregation that was and is exactly that makeup.
How did he do it?
What did he learn?
How did fear interplay with his preaching?
How did it go?
Join us on our third and last in our courageous pastors series to hear how you can encourage yourself or a pastor-friend in engaging this important conversation.
 
// Highlights:
“You can easily create a position and then wall off that position. You can say, ‘This is who we are and the rest of the world can go to heck.’ You can do that, but that’s not being on mission.” —Aaron Henning
“We have smart people in our congregation. I really wanted to be prepared to speak intelligently, and to be able to present views that are defensible and embraceable and make sense: ‘Why do you draw this line here instead of here?’” —Aaron Henning
“There were a lot of people saying, ‘This is everywhere, it is all around me. I do not feel equipped. I do not know how to have a spiritual conversation, and I definitely don’t know how how to have a missional conversation with somebody who wouldn’t think like me or who isn’t a follower of Jesus.’” —Aaron Henning
// Question of the Week:
What is the best pen to write with? (You guys . . . lol: “I’ve been waiting my whole life for this question.”)
 
// Do the Next Thing:
That Barna study? Find it here
Join the HIMH Podcast FB Group here
Watch the episode here

Episode 208: Courageous Pastors: The West Coast with Tom Kang

Today we continue our Courageous Pastors series by interviewing Tom Kang, a lead pastor in Los Angeles, CA, on how he led his congregation through the human sexuality conversation. 
Additionally, we explore:
What is unique about Tom’s West Coast church and their cultural vibe?
How can pastors cascade the human sexuality conversation to all of their leaders in a realistic way?
Why did he choose a dialogue over a monologue?
How did it go? (How many people walked out, and how many were grateful?)
What would he say to a pastor considering preaching about this topic?
This series has been encouraging us deeply. We pray it is doing the same for you and your community!
// Highlights:
“Everyone was having this [human sexuality] conversation anyway—in the lunchroom, in the locker rooms, in the car rides on the way to school. This conversation was happening everywhere—except church. I asked myself, ‘What’s happening? What’s going on there?’” —Tom Kang
“Andy Stanley talks about how the church should be the safest place for any conversation. I remember when I first heard that a few years ago, and I thought, ‘That is so true, but that is so not going on.’” —Tom Kang
“Everyone is going to walk away somehow offended. You are not going to be liberal enough, and you are not going to be conservative enough. You are not going to be biblical enough, you are not going to be contextual enough. You need to come to terms with that.” —Tom Kang
“You’re going to have to roll up your sleeves if you’re going to do a sermon like this.” —Tom Kang
// Question of the Week:
What chore in your home is visible to you but invisible to your spouse/housemates? (So you end up doing it and they don’t?) Sorry for all of the fights this sparked @ everyone heh heh... ;)
//Do the Next Thing:
Listen to Tom’s dialogue-focused sermon series here
Get a Salt Rifle (for bugs) lol here
That $7 drain cleaner the guys were freaking out about? Find it here lol
Watch the episode here!

Episode 207: Courageous Pastors: The South with Josh Laxton

We are so excited about this:
Today, we are launching a mini-series interviewing three pastors from the South, the West Coast, and the East Coast on how they went from conceptualization of a sermon series on human sexuality to actualization. Why?
In 2019, Barna shared the results of a study that said three of the top four things pastors feel both pressured and limited to speak on are related to human sexuality.
If pastors feel so limited and yet pressured to speak on this, how in the world do they do it? Instead of hypothesizing, we put the microphone in front of three pastors who did it.
First up: A pastor from the U.S. South, Dr. Josh Laxton. We ask him:
What is unique about his culture (he is from the South but currently preaches in central Florida)?
What was the conversation like within his church to prompt the sermon series?
How did he prepare his leadership team?
What elements were critical to have within the sermon? Why?
How did it go?
 
//Highlights:
“One of the reasons why people inside the church or outside the church have a difficult time digesting what pastors say is how they approach saying it: They don’t approach [challenging topics] with tears.” —Josh Laxton
“Through the 2000-year history of the church marriage, family, gender and sexuality has always been primary [doctrine] but because of the cultural context was what it was you didn’t even think about it. But now that we are living in this post-Christian, post-Christendom type of culture now we have to clarify: This is what we’ve always believed.” —Josh Laxton
“I know that the call to pastoral ministry is not only the call to know the power of Jesus’ resurrection, but to participate in his suffering... Part of that suffering is leading through very tough and messy issues and situations.” —Josh Laxton
 
//Question of the Week:
What is your nickname and how did you get it?
 
//Do the Next Thing:
Hear the sermon Josh preached here
That Barna study? Find it here
Hear Laurie and Josh’s conversation about his sermon on *his* podcast here
Find more about Josh here: www.Joshlaxton.com or on his IG: Joshlaxton1
Join the episode conversation on FB here
Watch the episode on YouTube here
 

Episode 206: How to Talk With the Kids About Marriage with Sam Allberry

We get questions related to this topic often.
Parents and disciple-makers of young kids are understandably anxious and wondering;  How can we guide kids in a way that makes them both courageously truthful and loving?
Pastor and author, Sam Allberry, comes back on the show to help us answer discipleship questions based on his new children’s book on marriage, ‘God’s Signpost.’ In addition to questions about teaching kids about marriage, Sam unpacks:
What are Christians doing poorly when it comes to engaging gender/sexuality/marriage?
What are we doing well?
What did Sam need from his Christian community while growing up in order to thrive today?
How should we talk to a teen (or tween) who wants us to use their preferred pronouns? 
How should we biblically consider pronoun-usage in our workplaces and places of worship?
//Highlights:
“If we start with the prohibitions [about marriage]; it’s very hard to make it seem like we are talking about something good.” —Sam Allberry
“The redefinition of marriage wasn’t when we turned it into a same-sex thing. The redefinition of marriage happened when we turned it from a covenant into a contract.” —Sam Allberry
“We must ensure that the relational quality of our church life is such that a young person growing up in church does not feel like their happiness rests on their marital status.” —Sam Allberry
//Question of the Week:
What non-word-word do you use often, and what is your definition of it? 
 
//Do the Next Thing:
Here is Sam’s new children’s book!
We mention a Christianity Today article on pronoun usage here
Annnnd, we were right. We have interviewed Sam two other times. :) Here are the other two episodes:
Seven ways to navigate a sexually shifting culture here
What God has to say about our bodies here
Watch the full episode through WCSG here
Join the conversation about the episode here!