Hole in My Heart Podcast

Episode 76: The Need to Be Unique with Brett and Janelle Beimers

{Week 9 Core Need is the need to be unique: delightfully special.}
We've explored the need to be included (belong), but how does that interplay with our good need to be unique?
We talk through this balance with foster and adoptive parents, Brett and Janelle Beimers. Their decision to adopt and foster models Christ's desire for radical inclusion (belonging), but they still need to cultivate each of their children's unique sense of self. How do they do that? What are the challenges to engaging both needs simultaneously--while also balancing the unique path of foster and adoptive life?
We explore these questions with them while, of course, playing a unique game and talking about our (and your, dear listeners) trademark things that make us feel like ourselves.
 
//: Highlights:
"One of our family themes or mottos has been, 'When God is generous to you or blesses you, build a longer table--not a bigger wall.'" --Brett Beimers
"You have the space, you see the need, and then you get the call... There are many many reasons to say ‘no’ [to a child], but there are also many many reasons to say 'yes.'" --Janelle Beimers
 
//: Do the Next Thing:
Check out the Jason Johnson Blog
Check out these websites:
On adoption and foster care: Michigan's Adoption Resource Exchange and Empowered to Connect
On child trauma: ChildTrauma Academy
If you want to asked Janelle or Brett questions about their foster/adoption journeys, read out to us at podcast@lauriekrieg.com and we will connect you!
For More. 

Bonus: Facing the Unthinkable Talk with Laurie Krieg (Or: ”How to Lament”)

How can we lovingly engage a world that opposes what we believe?
What is Laurie's ongoing practice to engage pushback?
One word: Lament. Laurie Krieg will walk you through the why's and how to's of what should be every Christian's ongoing practice of "venting to the only One who can do something about your pain."

Episode 75: The Need to Be Safe with Michael Card

{Week 8 Core Need is the need to be safe: Unafraid; trusting everything is under control.}
Many of us struggle with anxiety and fear. (Most of us? All of us?) We could shame ourselves. ("Why am I still wrestling with this!? I should know I'm safe!") But instead of shaming ourselves, why don't we look below the fear to the good need driving that fear: the need to be safe?
We unpack this good need to be safe with author and award-winning musician, Michael Card. Through the lens of safety, we explore God's character--His inexpressible hesed or lovingkindness and His invitation to rail on His chest in lament.
 
//: Highlights:
"This is the same God who spoke the universe into existence, who laid the foundations of the earth, [and] who created the stars and named each one of them. That same God invites me to exhaust myself against him when I'm confused or angry--even at him." --Michael Card
"Hesed is when the person from whom I have a right to expect nothing gives me everything--not a second chance, more chances than you can possibly imagine." --Michael Card
"Because God is a god of lovingkindness [hesed] I am safe to say... anything... Nowhere in Scripture does God say, 'How dare you talk to me like that.'" --Michael Card
"Worship comes from the Old English worth-ship. To worship God is to celebrate his worth. You don't discover his worth at a picnic on a green lawn. You discover his worth when you're hungry and you need manna. You discover his worth in the wilderness." --Michael Card
 
//: Do the Next Thing:
Check out Sacred Sorrow: Reaching out to God in the Lost Language of Lament
Check out Inexpressible: Hesed and the Mystery of God's Lovingkindness
Check out Michael's website here
Follow Michael on Facebook and Instagram
For More

Episode 74: The Need to Be Seen with Jeff Maness and John Wilson

{Week 7 Core Need is the need to be seen: Noticed inside and out.}
This episode has two gripping stories: One is of a pastor named John Wilson who, at a young age, recognized his attractions to his same gender. Burying the secret led him to hospitalization due to the chronic stress. Slowly, carefully, he came out to trusted friends, and found some freedom as he daily surrendered himself to Christ.
But then he moved far away, started working in a church, and the secret threatened to bury him again in shame. He needed to come out again, but the person with whom he most needed to share was both his pastor and his boss. What would he say? Would he lose his job? Would this pastor/boss see him and love him as God does?
Enter the second story of John's boss and lead pastor, Jeff Maness: Years before this conversation with John, God had begun to prepare Jeff's heart and his mind to receive John's story. Had God not set the stage, Jeff said he would have fired John after he came forward with his attractions toward men--even though John was surrendering his version of broken sexuality to the Lordship of Christ every day (as we are all called to do).
How did God radically change Jeff's heart?
How did John find the courage to share?
How did the entire church practically engage this conversation as a result?
Listen and find yourself at the foot of the cross with us in awe of the gospel's good news for everyone every day.
P.S. Today's after-show bloopers? Matt accidentally got slipped into live Christian radio to thousands of people while we did a mic check--and during this mic check he pretended to be an NPR host. (Shake our red-faced heads.)
 
//: Highlights:
"That fear of coming out was powerful, but it was not as powerful as the pain of being hidden." --John Wilson
"He didn't pull any punches... 'I'm gay' [he said.] Four years ago? I probably would have fired him on the spot just thinking that by him saying, 'I'm gay' he meant, 'I'm pursuing gay sex or a same sex romantic relationship.' But praise God instead of assuming--because God had done so much work in my heart--I learned to actually ask questions." --Jeff Maness
"In the 15 months since I told Pastor Jeff and brought this piece of myself into the light, the darkness and the mold and the sin and the dankness that was around has gone away . . . I have experienced such an increased amount of holiness and sanctification in my life because of the ability to be seen. I have legitimate accountability now because I can be honest with people." --John Wilson
"This has held a mirror up to our whole congregation--a mirror that needs to be held up to the big "C" Church. Have we lost people? Yes, we have lost a few. ... [But] we are going to stand on what we believe is the truth, we are going to offer what we believe is the radical grace of Jesus, and we are going to present to everyone this gospel message of all of us are called to die. And if that means we have some death in the process ourselves? Then that is the cost for us in this . . . It's time. It's time for the Church to speak into this boldly." --Jeff Maness
 
//: Do the Next Thing:
To watch John's sermon where he came out and shared his story with his church look here
To watch my sermon that followed his (following my story and the woman caught in adultery), look here
To read Preston Sprinkle's book, People to be Loved, mentioned by Pastor Jess, look here
To read Greg Cole's book mentioned by both Pastors Jeff and John, click here
To connect with Pastor Jeff, find his site here
To connect with Pastor John, find his information here
For more

Episode 73: The Need to Be Included with Ethan Renoe

{Week 6 Core Need is the need to be included: Wanted in this group, team, or partnership; belonging}
It seems as if the good need God put into us before the Fall to belong or be included goes hand-in-hand with authenticity. To belong--truly belong--we must be willing to get real. But how many of us feel we are scoring 100% at the relational authenticity level? Social media tells us we have hundreds or thousands of friends, but do we really belong? This is what our guest, Ethan Renoe, calls the "new lonely," and he wrote a book with the same title: The New Lonely: Intimacy in the Age of Isolation.
Ethan and the guys (Laurie is out sick!) explore how we try to solve our loneliness problem through wanderlust, pornography, and Ethan's viral, overnight fame. (Do you remember the video of the guy running shirtless in the rain?) The guys also play a Goofball Island game where they have to insert the moral of the story into some classic youth group entertainment. ​
Thanks for hanging out with us--it helps take off some of the edge of universal problem of loneliness.
 
//: Highlights:
​"I realized I was in a really unhealthy pattern where I would show up to a place and I'd be this really mysterious, cool, traveler guy, and before anyone could get to know me, I would leave." --Ethan Renoe
"Lonely people will often try to get rid of the loneliness by drowning it out. It's still going to be there when you're alone and it's quiet." --Ethan Renoe
"I realized that I was trying to pour from an empty cup. I was filling that void with false digital relationships with women on the internet. There was moment where I realized I can be real with people. I can say when I have a bad day, when I'm feeling excluded, and people can respond to how I'm feeling . . . People can get to know the real me." --Ethan Renoe
 
//: Do the Next Thing:
Check out Ethan's site and his books!
Two of Ethan's posts he mentions are "Are Men Starving for Physical Touch?" and "The Epidemic of Male Loneliness."
Find Ethan Renoe on the IG
For more

Episode 72: The Need to Be Loved with Jennifer Kennedy Dean

{Week 5 Core Need is the need for love: Unconditionally accepted}
All you need is love. It's a nice song, but what about the actual experience of love? How can we feel it deeply before we see Jesus face-to-face?
Author and speaker, Jennifer Kennedy Dean, guides us to a deeper experience of God's love that is not tethered to our circumstances (death of siblings, death of spouses, or a deep wrestling with the reality of prayer), but is richly intertwined to the alive and active Holy Spirit in us. ​
We also play a game called, "Love Song or Worship Song?" and somehow learn a deep lesson based on how goofy we look while dolphin watching.
 
//: Highlights:
"You are never going to be able to get love in the way exactly that you want to, but you can give love. When you give love not for the purpose of making someone love you, but for the purpose of expressing the Jesus who lives in you, you are going to find that fulfilling." --Jennifer Kennedy Dean ​
"Prayer is more than sandwiching words between, 'Dear God' and 'Amen.' There is a whole aspect of prayer that is going on directly from your heart to God's that might not even have words on it yet." --Jennifer Kennedy Dean
 
//: Do the Next Thing:
Check out Jennifer's site and her bestselling books
For more 

Episode 71: The Need for Rest with Adam Mabry

{Week 4 Core Need is the need for rest: Re-centered and reset in mind, body, spirit; includes having fun}
Why is it that it seems whoever is the busiest is winning at life? If you are stressed, busy, but magically not anxious, you hold a higher status?
We talk about this with Adam Mabry, whose wife laughed at him when he told her he was asked to write a book on rest. This pastor, teacher, and author of the book, "The Art of Rest: Faith to Hit Pause in a World that Never Stops," was able to write the book after experiencing what it was like to live a life without rest, and watching it lead to total breakdown. We explore this story, practical ways to combat the "I'm better because I'm busier" game, and why being a pastor who exegetes Romans while on a unicorn might be the best way to do church.
;)
 
//: Highlights:
"I broke. I have this vivid memory of it being 1 or 2 in the morning, and I am painting baseboards, crying, cursing, angry, praying mess, and that was the beginning of, 'Hm, I don’t think I can achieve my way out of this.' I hit the dark pretty hard for six or nine months. The practice of rest was acknowledging that there is a God in heaven and a sovereign ruler of the universe, and His name is not my name.” --Adam Mabry
"As an achiever, Jesus achieved par excellence . . . In three years he achieved redemption of the cosmos. In three years I barely got a Master's degree . . . [Jesus] got a lot done and did it more restfully than most of us." --Adam Mabry
"If the Church of Jesus Christ is made up of anxiety-driven, restless people, it doesn’t say a lot about a gospel of grace that is very good." --Adam Mabry
 
//: Do the Next Thing:
Check out Adam on his site here
Also, Adam's most recent book can be found on Amazon here
Want to know more about his church? Click here to check it out!
We mention how watching TV doesn't really rest you. An article on that is here.
For more

Episode 70: The Need to Be Affirmed with Shannon Popkin

{Week 3 Core Need is the need to be affirmed: Overwhelmingly approved of.}
Do you ever wrestle with knowing God wants you to share the gifts He gave you with the world, but not knowing how much you should "market" yourself? Shouldn't the Holy Spirit just do that for us?
We do wrestle with this, so we brought in bestselling author and speaker, Shannon Popkin, who co-wrote the book, Influence: Building a Platform to Elevates Jesus (Not Me).
We explore this conversation in the context of the Core Need to be affirmed. How do we allow God to affirm us while navigating the murky waters of speaking the message He gave us?
Put on your lifejackets because we are going to dive in.
We also play another ridiculous game called "Spin This" (where Steve, Matt, and Shannon have to affirm everyone from Winnie the Pooh to Han Solo). Thanks for playing and hanging with us.
 
//: Highlights:
"There is such a connection between my message and me that it's really hard not to get 'my message' caught up in it being 'all about me.'" --Shannon Popkin
"We are positioned there in this elevated state not so people can say, 'Look at me!' . . . We are positioned there to serve." --Shannon Popkin
 
//: Do the Next Thing:
Read Shannon's book here
One of our favorite articles of Shannon's is, "Five Control Girl Mom Tactics to Stop Using"
Check out Shannon on her website!
Follow here on social media: Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram!
[Also, we mention early on about Matt's extreme makeover with Kelli ODell. That episode is here.]
For more

Episode 69: The Need to Be Desired with Ty and Rachel Wyss

{Week 2 Core Need is the need to be desired: Specially chosen--no pretense necessary.}
The idea of mixed-orientation marriages (where one spouse is straight and the other is not) can make people scratch their heads saying, "How does that work?" Today, through the lens of the Core Need to be desired, mixed-orientation couple, Ty and Rachel Wyss, get real about their marriage, their need to be desired, and leave us--married and single--with wise, God-given wisdom to walk well. This is another sacred story you don't want to miss.
The group also talks how we can express needs without being "needy," Love Languages (with feedback from you all!), and, as always, how the gospel was and is good news.
Thanks for joining us!
 
//: Highlights:
"The need to be desired manifested for me . . . in the desire to be somebody's best friend, somebody's everything, somebody's first choice." --Rachel Wyss
"Wanting my wife or wanting my friends to desire me--it's so easy to attach the word 'needy' to it . . . When I realize I'm feeling shame for a need, I remember God has wired it into me. If He has wired it into me, then I get to start blessing that need." --Ty Wyss
 
//: Do the Next Thing:
Find More 

Episode 68: The Need for Nurture with Anna Carter and Shannon Ochoa

{Week 1 Core Need is the need to be nurtured: Cared for; held.}
It's time to dive deeply into Core Needs. What are they? They are good needs God put into us for things like belonging, purpose, affirmation, and to be seen and desired. The Fall threw a wrench in our once-natural ability to get them perfectly met by God and supported by people, however, and now we have natural inclinations to get these good needs met in ways that don't satisfy us and don't glorify God. (That natural inclination is known as our sin nature.) Our default is now idolatry.
Eden Invitation co-founders, Anna Carter and Shannon Ochoa, launch our 10-week series on Core Needs by talking about the need for nurture. These ministry leaders guide us beautifully through wrestling with how we see nurture develop throughout our life, and how we can look to our friends to support this nurture need without slipping into co-dependence.
We also talk tattoos, donuts, and "getting in the freaking car" for a worship sesh.
Join us on a journey of the soul.
 
//: Highlights:
"One of my continual lessons is spiritual childhood: As we age, nurture looks differently. But I am always a child of my heavenly Father." --Anna Carter
“At the end of the day it’s an invitation: To love and be loved . . . There’s not a sense of dependence or your friends completing you, but we must be comfortable in naming it: 'In order for me to lean into the Lord more easily, I want to invite you to walk with me.’” --Shannon Ochoa
“By confessing to another person my own need, my own vulnerability, and my own woundedness, I am providing them with an opportunity to help me live the Christian life. I am providing them an opportunity to be a disciples—to imitate Jesus.”--Anna Carter
 
//: Do the Next Thing:
Take a look at Anna and Shannon's Eden Invitation website here and some of their favorite resources here!
Find More