Hole in My Heart Podcast

Episode 103: When to Walk Away from Toxic People with Gary Thomas

Talking about walking away from toxic people can feel like a too-challenging (and maybe unbiblical?) conversation. But, shoot: Relationship expert and author, Gary Thomas, convinced us through his latest book and this interview that knowing when to walk away from toxic people is a critical practice for Christians.
Jesus walked away from toxic people (or let them walk away from Him), and we should to ... for the sake of the Kingdom.
Why? How?
We dive in with Gary, and explore toxic discipleship, marriages, friendships, and the most critical one for us: how we can stop being toxic to ourselves.
 
//: Highlights:
"Throughout Jesus’ life and ministry, He would share the truth (generously and in a relevant way) with compassion and empathy. He loved those people. But if they didn’t receive it? He would find someone else who did. He walked away." --Gary Thomas
"Most of us, if we are healthy, we want a peaceful work environment. That’s boring to a toxic person. We want a mutually encouraging marriage where we support each other. That’s boring to a toxic person. We like the thought of a church pursuing a mission of reaching the lost and helping people recover from issues. That’s boring to a toxic person. A toxic person *has* to engage in conflict." --Gary Thomas
"Jesus chose his disciples and so should we." --Gary Thomas
“When I make myself the hero of my life and somebody treats me in a toxic way, I’m tempted to hate them: ‘How dare you challenge my role of being hero!' Or, I’ll disappoint myself: I’ll sin. I won’t respond with compassion. Because 'I’m supposed to be my own hero,' I will *hate myself* for not living up to my highest ideals. I [am only free] when I realize, ‘There is only one hero in the Bible and that’s Jesus.’” --Gary Thomas
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What really helps you focus on Jesus at Christmas? ​
//: Do the Next Thing: ​
Find Gary's book, When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom From Toxic People ​here.
Gary's blog--full of resources? Here.
Find that paradigm-shifting marriage book he mentioned here.
Answer that Question of the Week or find us on our HIMH Podcast FB Page here.
For More? Here.

Episode 102: Ministry Update and Q & A with Matt & Laurie

Guys? We got some big changes coming to Hole in My Heart Ministries, and we are excited to share them with you today.
In addition to the changes, we are exploring a couple of your questions with some answers:
Why does marriage have to be between one man and one woman? (We share our top three--well, four--favorite reasons.)
How do we walk with and speak truth to a believer who believes a same-sex, romantic relationship is right for them? (We offer some specific help.)
Let's dig in!
 
//: Highlights:
"You guys didn't assume the 'Why marriage?' question. That's what's been really unique about learning this stuff together with you: You dared to ask that question." --Steve
"Matt is so different from me to represent how God is so different from us--and yet he wants to marry us! That's bananas! It's not cosmic joke. That's beautiful cosmic design. That's worth dying to yourself for." --Laurie
"With these questions there is always a sense we need to call them away from what they are doing. 'I need to somehow convince them that that is the wrong the to do.' Honestly? That's a theology of 'no.' ... Your job as the friend is *not* to have them say 'no' to this thing over here, but say, 'How can we more and more and more say 'yes' to God?' --Matt ​
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What is the most annoying sound?
//: Do the Next Thing: ​
Read Preston Sprinkle's People to Be Loved to learn more about why God's design for marriage is between a man and a woman.
We refer to this pastoral paper a few times on the episode.
To hear more about the changes, read it on the podcast episode page.
To follow all of our shenanigans, find us here on IG.
For More? Here. 

Episode 101: Exchanging Our Dreams for God’s Desires with Lauren Chandler

God puts a dream inside of all of us.
Wait. Does He?
How does that work? And how do you know if it is a selfish one or something that is literally from Him? And what about those of us who feel like expendable folks--with "worthless" or no dreams?
Lauren Chandler, wife to Matt Chandler (yes, that Matt Chandler), and mother of three, is a worship leader, author, and helper of us in this conversation about how can we balance our dreams with God's desires.
It's a poignant interview that includes God taking a starry-eyed Lauren through an addiction group (Celebrate Recovery) to help her see her life (and dreams) are all about Jesus.
Join us.
 
//: Highlights:
"We are always going to be a worse version of somebody else. We are meant to be original. Ourselves." --Lauren Chandler
"Here I was, the pastor's wife--young, but still the pastor's wife--and I am sitting in my seat [at Celebrate Recovery], and my heart is pounding in my chest. They offered this chip of surrender ... You could not have kept me from running up there." --Lauren Chandler
"I started to *see the people* instead of being the *focus of the people.*" --Lauren Chandler
"I think the way you can tell if your dream is God's dream is: are you willing to be open-handed with it?" --Lauren Chandler
"I believe there is going to be is something special for those people who did things in obscurity--where no one has ever heard their name." --Lauren Chandler
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What is your favorite part of the Thanksgiving feast? (Or another near holiday if you are not from the States?)
//: Do the Next Thing:
Check out Lauren's site (and find that children's book we talk about) here. 
Find her on IG (her fave social) here.
Email podcast@lauriekrieg.com or hit us up on IG here.
For More? Here. 

Episode 100: How to Hear God with Jim Samra

Many people abuse hearing from God. But just because they misuse the process, does it mean we shouldn't engage?
Jim Samra, someone who literally wrote the book about it, helps us to think about how we can wisely approach listening to God. (And that book title is pretty funny: 'God Told Me: Who to Marry, Where to Work, Which Car to Buy ... And I'm Pretty Sure I'm Not Crazy.')
Jim also guides us through questions such as, "How mature do you have to be to hear from God?" "What if you are living in sin--does God still speak to you?" "How does the Bible interact with this process?" "Can and should we pray for a spouse?"
We loved this one.
 
//: Highlights:
"There are lot of people who abuse this idea: They are going to use the 'God told me' or 'God speaking to me' language just to masquerade for the things they actually want to do." --Jim Samra
"If I just had one or two points to get across, it'd be one: God loves you, and two: the burden of communication is on Him." --Jim Samra
"Take the example of voice recognition software ... you are training it to recognize your voice. The Bible is the Word of God--meaning this is what God's voice sounds like. The more time you spend with the Bible, the more you are trained, 'This is what God says.'" --Jim Samra
"If you're going to wait until you're holy enough to hear from God--that's just not how it works ... While you are *still wrestling with sanctification* God still speaks to you.... Just give Him a chance." --Jim Samra ​
//: Do the Next Thing:
Find Jim and Lisa Samra's website here.
Jim's book on listening to God? Find it here.
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What did you want to be when you grew up—when you were 5-8 years old?
Email podcast@lauriekrieg.com, or find Laurie Krieg on Instagram.
For More.

Episode 99: A Gender Conversation Part 2 with Heather Skriba

This is another episode where if we could pay you to listen to it, we would. We believe it is that important.
Heather was born female, but in her young twenties, fully socially transitioned to male. Now, she is again living as her born-female self, and is running toward Jesus.
How did this happen?
You know, for all the conversations we have about gender/sexuality/etc., it's funny that we keep waiting for the answer to, "How did this happen?" to be something other than the gospel. Something other than learning how to suffer well alongside each other. Something other than surrendering idols and learning to experience God.
But it isn't. The good news of the the gospel is it is good news for everyone and everyone's pain. So, the answer to "How did this happen?" once again is the gospel.
Listen to another version of *specifically how* the gospel is good news for everyone every day alongside us today. ​
 
//: Highlights:
"There are people in my life that didn't call me by name for two years, and by extension, didn't use a pronoun when referring to me ... How can you expect to have any trust or relational equity built if you are not even willing to refer to someone in a way that distinguishes them as human?" --Heather Skriba
"I didn't know how to let God into the painful, hurting, and dark places of my heart--not just gender-- but anxiety, codependency, insecurity, and self hatred. I didn't know how to access the heart of God in those places ... I think that is something that is really missing from a lot of relationships when people try to walk with LGBT people and LGBT Christians." --Heather Skriba
"So often for trans guys, surgery is looked at as, 'This is the thing that is going to make everything else okay.' ... But I remember the first time I looked down at my chest, and I had this sinking feeling of, 'This is not what I was hoping it would be. I mean, it's good, but this is surface level ... This was supposed to be *it,* and it's not." --Heather Skriba
//: Do the Next Thing:
Heather works with our friend Ty at Walls Down Ministries. Find it here.
Heather also recommends www.theallendercenter.org and Ransomed Heart that have helped her on her journey. (She also recommended us, but, we don't need to refer you to us, but we are grateful for the shout out. :) )
You want to talk with Heather? Hit us up, and we will connect you at podcast@lauriekrieg.com
Listen to A Gender Conversation Part 1 here.
Heather mentions how her church connected to her. Want to learn more about how your church can approach people like Heather? Here is a pastoral paper on it.
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What is your current life song? What song describes the season of life you are having (or day you are having)?
Email podcast@lauriekrieg.com or find us on Instagram.
For More.

Episode 98: Talking Sexuality with Our Kids with Dannah Gresh

This is another one of those episodes seeking to answer questions we receive often:
At what age do we start talking with our kids about sexuality?
How do we do it, exactly?
What about gender stuff?
How do we help alleviate some of the blurring of the lines that is going on with gender these days--without holding onto stereotypes?
Who better to help us out than author and teacher, Dannah Gresh? She has been in the ministry of educating young people regarding sexuality for many years. (And if you think she is speaking old-school purity movement stuff, think again. This woman is on fire, and is ready to preach the holistic good news of the gospel for our sexuality in 2019, 2020 and beyond.)
Let's dive in again to this critical conversation with grace, truth, and love.
//: Highlights:
"Marriage and sex is a picture of the gospel. It tells us that story from Genesis to Revelation. … How motivated do you think Satan is to see that destroyed in your life ... [and] destroyed in our children’s lives?" --Dannah Gresh
"Our worldview is established by our 13th or 14th birthday. If you wait until then to talk to kids about sex? Woah. You have missed the boat. Meanwhile, their ears have been hearing all of these other sexual messages, and your silence has just become a megaphone to the world’s lies." ​--Dannah Gresh
“In the Bible there is not one place *ever* where the formal education of moral belief is ever assigned to anyone but parents ... You cannot phone this thing in. Moral development is assigned to you.” --Dannah Gresh
//: Do the Next Thing:
Watch Dannah's TED talk, "The Walk of Fame or the Walk of Shame"
Check out Dannah's site here.
Dannah has a master class she teaches on these things with her husband. Find it here.
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What is something that makes you laugh the most these days?
Email podcast@lauriekrieg.com join the HIMH Podcast FB page or find us on Instagram.
For More.

Episode 97: The Heart of Racial Reconciliation with Kinita Schripsema

The purpose of this podcast is to "explore how the gospel is good news for everyone every day."
Most often, we talk about how the gospel relates to sexuality/gender (as those conversations have been neglected for too long in the Church), however part of the good news of the gospel is it eliminates walls and barriers between people—racial barriers included.
Our friend, Kinita Schripsema, helps us to launch into this conversation from a place we need to start: the heart.
Kinita was kind enough to let us ask many dumb questions (although she was gracious to not call them dumb!) in order to get to a place where we can speak heart to heart.
This is an important one.
 
//: Highlights:
"All of us in human race want not only to belong, but we want unity, acceptance, authenticity and freedom. If that is the common ground, when we are aware of what our cultural bent is, we are then able to see the other person as a human and for their heart--not their skin color." --Kinita Schripsema
"It's really crucial we all take a step back and allow grace in this space. The only way we can actually do that in each of our stories is if we have done our own personal work of forgiveness [and] our own internal work of reconciliation." --Kinita Schripsema
​"It's not okay for us to say within the context of our church, 'But we are united in Christ, right?' You can say that but I sure hope you're being inclusive. I sure hope you're embracing and *walking with,* and *most crucially* stepping into the mess with people." --Kinita Schripsema
//: Do the Next Thing:
Interested in learning more about Kinita and her work? Here is her site.
Her Facebook
And Her book, I am Hagar: Forgotten No More.
Dan Allender is doing a great podcast series right now on "Becoming an Anti-Racist." It's a great next step.
Latasha Morrison's new book is another great step.
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What do you have duct-taped together now?
Email podcast@lauriekrieg.com, find us on Instagram here.
For More.

Episode 96: Healthy Friendship (and Touch) as a Single Person with Meg Baatz

We get a decent amount of questions about how to engage healthy friendship (and touch) as single people.
So, we asked one of our dear single friends, Meg Baatz, to help us navigate some more of this friendship quagmire. Some of the questions we explored include:
What is the difference between finding community as a single person or as a married person?
What is Meg's journey with finding community?
Why are people so awkward when it comes to being friends with people of the same sex (if those people experience attractions toward the same sex)?
How can we all be friends?
How can we engage healthy touch with our friends?
Dive in with us today at the podcast table.
 
//: Highlights:
"I knew [community living] would be hard. I knew it wouldn't solve all of my relational needs. I knew marriage wouldn't [either]. I knew trying to find the right *people* can be the same pitfall as trying to find the right *person.*" --Meg Baatz
"I can desire to have the majority of my relational or emotional needs met from women rather than from God first and then from women ... [But] it's easy to go one extreme or the other: 'I have this really deep need for relational with women.' Or 'Oh, no! I don't want to idolize my friendships, and so I'm going to retreat out of fear or shame.'" --Meg Baatz
"I think we can be ashamed of and afraid of our limits [with physical touch]. Instead we need to accept them ... and say, 'How can I honor myself as someone who God loves while loving and respecting other people through the boundaries I set up?'" --Meg Baatz
//: Do the Next Thing:
Check out Meg's organization she works for, Lead Them Home, here.
Dive into Meg's personal site here.
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What "stupid human" trick can you do? (Roll your tongue, shake your eyes, do some random dance move...?)
Email podcast@lauriekrieg.com or find us on Instagram to answer.
For More.

Episode 95: How We Can See Everyone with Terence Lester

This interview kicked our tails.
Do you know what to do when you encounter someone who is experiencing homelessness?
We thought we did ... sort of? Give them a few bucks? Offer a pack of things you have ready in your car? Pray with them?
Terence Lester, activist, speaker, and author of I See You: How Love Opens Our Eyes to Invisible People, ​helps us practically navigate how we can better see people experiencing poverty and homelessness and thereby learn a lesson on how we can really see everyone.
 
//: Highlights:
"We are all poor in some way. When we understand that (when we understand what God has done for us) it creates a bridge that we can walk over and show our brother and sister, who may be living on the street and experiencing hardship, the same type of love that we would want and have received from our God." --Terence Lester
"The best phrases in the New Testament are 'Jesus saw.' Not only did He see people, but He became proximate to them. What will radically change our understanding and even our misconceptions about people is acknowledging them and getting proximate." --Terence Lester
"Presence can trump money." --Terence Lester
//: Do the Next Thing:
Check out Terence's book I See You: How Love Opens Our Eyes to Invisible People.
Check out Terence's site here.
Find Terence on Instagram.
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What does your name mean, and how does it affect your life?
Email podcast@lauriekrieg.com or find us on Instagram.
For More.

Episode 94: Marriage and Friendship: How to Do Both Well with Kelly Needham

Friends. We need them. They can also be a big challenge. It can be hard to put them in their proper, healthy place (neither diminishing them nor elevating them)—whether we are married or single.
Today, we primarily look at how to have healthy friendships through the married lens, but single people? We believe and hope and pray you will be blessed, too.
Kelly Needham, author of the new book Friendish, helps us explore questions such as, “Can we have covenant friendships outside of marriage?” “What are signs of when friendships are moving into an unhealthy direction?” “Are our spouses supposed to be our best friends?"
​It's a needed conversation for our lonely world today on the podcast.
 
//: Highlights:
"If a friendship is starting to encroach on our relationship with our spouse or with Christ, that's a warning sign." --Kelly Needham
​"I don't think the word 'best friend' is wrong, but I don't think that it's right that we build covenants into our friendships ... That does not condemn single people to loneliness or missing out on something huge. If we believe that, then we are admitting that marriage satisfies preeminently in our hearts." --Kelly Needham ​
"Your loneliness is primarily alleviated in Christ ... Loneliness came as a result of sin, not alone-ness." --Kelly Needham
//: Do the Next Thing:
Check out Kelly's book, ​Friendish, here.
Check out Kelly's blog and site here.
For more on this episode
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What was your favorite school lunch? (Either packed or the hot lunch variety?)
Find us on Instagram.