Hole in My Heart Podcast

Episode 107: Why Male Friendships are Challenging with Sam and Blaine Eldredge

Maybe it's just us, maybe it's just our generation . . . maybe it's just this year? But it seems to us as if the vulnerable pursuit that comes with friendship can be extra challenging for some men.
Can we get an a-men? (Ha...)
Today, we invited some of our new friends, Sam and Blaine Eldredge (yes, the sons of John and Stasi), to help us better understand why friendships for men can be extra challenging.
We talk about some intense (and fun) things, of course, including:
What do are you nerdy about?
Why don't many men pursue each other's hearts? (How can they?)
How can men neither detach from the calling to be God's man nor stomp on others while falsely declaring themselves to be manly?
//: Highlights:
"Friendship is a characteristic activity of a whole heart." --Blaine Eldredge
"When you interact with a man, whether they seem timid or brash--whether they seem they are going to stomp on you and carve their name in marble and build a mausoleum (or if they just want to hide and be alone in their garage with their hobby)--you are meeting different forms of brokenness and different forms of posing." --Sam Eldredge
"The story is not just: 'Men, be friends.' The story is: 'The restoration of all things is underway. You have a role to play. You will need people around you if you are going to walk out your role.'" --Blaine Eldredge
"Find a few other men that you really want lasting friendship with and make their battles your battles. Truly take on that posture of  'When you go to war, I am going to war as well.' Whether that's for your kids, for your marriage, for your job, and even for your heart." --Sam Eldredge 
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What was the most memorable youth group game you ever witnessed (or endured)?
//: Do the Next Thing:
Find Sam and Blaine's site--including their podcast here.
That Pause App their team developed? It's here.
That gender podcast with Tim Keller? Find it here.
Find us on IG.
For More? Here. 

Episode 106: Matt and Laurie’s Stories Rebooted and Your Premarital Questions

New year, new Hole in My Heart Podcast theme music, new website ... what else is new?
Well, with all of this new, how about something old? Like throwback time? Matt and Laurie realized that there are many NEW listeners out there, and you might not know their stories. So, we deep-dive a bit into them.
Matt talks about the heart of his journey with pornography addiction (and how he finally got set free from it), and Laurie talks about her discipleship journey with her version of broken sexuality.
We also take your premarital questions. (Ya'll send us quite a few! We love them--any variety. Keep them coming!)
We cover things like:
"I'm not straight but dating someone who is. When should I share with them my story?"
"How can you know if you're supposed to marry someone?"
"How important is attraction in marriage?"
Let's dive in, friends. (Thank you, Dr. Forest Wakeman at Calvin University for the sick beats!)
 
//: Highlights:
“I had been though seminary; I had my undergraduate in youth ministry. I knew all the head knowledge about God, but I had never really felt this soul-deep, heart-level, permeating knowledge that He loves me and that He desires me.” —Matt Krieg
“Had I not gotten rid of everything—limited all access? A. I wouldn’t have had a detox from porn because it would have always been in my pocket. And, B. I would not have realized my issue wasn’t just porn. I was screen addicted … I was always looking to distract myself from myself.” —Matt Krieg
“I found myself joyful. And filled—not every minute of every day, but even one out of twenty times seeking God—it was enough of a foretaste of what we will experience in eternity forever that I was like, ‘I’m in.’” —Laurie Krieg “It’s the heart stuff that often leads to physical [connection]. But even if it doesn’t. Can we give ourselves grace today? There’s not a scorecard for you guys or us. It’s just: Are you working on your metaphor?” —Laurie Krieg
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What are you nerdy about? (We are pushing that one forward to next week.) 
//: Do the Next Thing:
If you want to see a picture of the Heart Map we mention and those Core Needs? Here.
That Pause App Steve mentioned? Here.
Find the Journey Well Study and corresponding videos here! (Use that PODCAST code!)
If you just want to Amazon it, find it here! 

Episode 105: Our First Study! With Matt and Laurie

Guys. We wrote a study! And it's been published!
I--Laurie--began writing this while I was walking out my discipleship journey with my mentor, Carolyn. I take the lessons she taught me, sprinkle additional ones God has brought me through over the years, and invite you to join me on the journey.
We explore things like how to listen to God, lament, what to do with temptation, how to process shame, Core Needs, and lots more.
This is literally the book I wish I had been able to walk through when I was wrestling the most with my sexuality.
It is zero percent conversion therapy. It is all the gospel's good news for my version of broken sexuality, too.
This study is meant to be done in mentorship pairs, groups, or on your own. If you have been wishing/hoping/praying for a tangible something disciple-y to do with someone or as someone who experiences broken sexuality similarly to the way I do, this is our gift to you.
Practically, here is the gift I can offer you! FOR PODCAST LISTENERS starting now to the end of January 2020, order the book and videos on our site--using the code PODCAST, and get it all for $19.99.
The episode today explores more of the how, why, and what of the book (with Matt interviewing me!).
Thanks for caring about this decade-long work of my heart. Love you, guys.
 
//:Highlights:
“I said to God, ‘If I make it through this hell season . . . I’d love an opportunity to talk to even one other person who is even a half-step behind me.’ And I started writing.” --Laurie Krieg
“This is not gay-to-straight sort of reparative therapy junk. This is: Can you walk into this third, middle, suffering-well path—with whatever version of broken sexuality you have--and can you encounter God there?" --Laurie Krieg
"We Can. Not. Do. This. Without you. Ruthlessly eliminate sin in your life. Ruthlessly eliminate shame. Shred that. Start a group with your friends--whether it’s a Journey Well group or whatever ... Get in. Come shoulder-to-shoulder with us." --Laurie Krieg
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What are you nerdy about?
//: Do the Next Thing:
​Find that book and corresponding videos here.
​If you just want to Amazon it, find it here.
Watch a one-minute preview here.
We gonna talk more about it on IG here.
For More? Here. 

Episode 104.5: Merry Christmas from the Krieg Kids with Gwyn and Juju

Let's just have a little fun, yeah?
Gwyn and Juliette Krieg, Matt and Laurie's two oldest kids, come into the studio to discuss favorite parts about Christmas, what to do when you feel lonely and there is no one to hug, and--because we can't stop won't stop--what marriage means to them.
Merry Christmas, podcast fam!
For More:
https://lauriekrieg.com/podcast/merry-christmas-from-the-krieg-kids/

Episode 104: Practically Living Life in the Presence of God with Ken Boa

Okay, guys. This one.
I don't think we have ever been as surprised as we were with Kenneth Boa. He is a highly accomplished scholar, author, and teacher--with four degrees (and two doctoral degrees)--and good grief: When we asked him the questions we ask everyone (about when the gospel was first good news for him) we were floored.
This guy came to Christ while on an LSD trip during the summer of love in the 1960s. Yep. You heard it here, guys. You have to listen to understand and believe how God did it.
After recovering from our shock, we were surprised again: Ken is not just an academic guy with degrees and books littering his office; Ken is someone who is alert to the presence of God.
Come sit with us, hear his left-turn gospel story, and learn practical ways to experience the presence of God.
 
//:Highlights:
"I have never regretted any act of obedience ... I have always, in the long run, regretted every act of disobedience." --Ken Boa
"God stoops to conquer." --Ken Boa
"What is normal in the Scriptures is not typical in this world." --Ken Boa
"Intimacy energizes and animates activity." --Ken Boa
"We used to work with a lot of hippies (it takes one to know one), but we never told them to get off drugs. We told them about Jesus. You will never get rid of something by trying to get rid of it. That's extinction. You'll never do it. Instead, you need replacement: Replace the inferior with a greater good.... Then, finding that, you'll realize that's what you were looking for all along." --Ken Boa ​
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What was your word for 2019--if you had one? How did it go? ​
//: Do the Next Thing: ​
Find Kenneth's book, Life in the Presence of God: Practices for Living in Light of Eternity here.
Check out Kenneth's blog with all of his resources (including that app he mentioned!) here.
Find us and/or answer that question of the week here.
For More? Here. 

Episode 103: When to Walk Away from Toxic People with Gary Thomas

Talking about walking away from toxic people can feel like a too-challenging (and maybe unbiblical?) conversation. But, shoot: Relationship expert and author, Gary Thomas, convinced us through his latest book and this interview that knowing when to walk away from toxic people is a critical practice for Christians.
Jesus walked away from toxic people (or let them walk away from Him), and we should to ... for the sake of the Kingdom.
Why? How?
We dive in with Gary, and explore toxic discipleship, marriages, friendships, and the most critical one for us: how we can stop being toxic to ourselves.
 
//: Highlights:
"Throughout Jesus’ life and ministry, He would share the truth (generously and in a relevant way) with compassion and empathy. He loved those people. But if they didn’t receive it? He would find someone else who did. He walked away." --Gary Thomas
"Most of us, if we are healthy, we want a peaceful work environment. That’s boring to a toxic person. We want a mutually encouraging marriage where we support each other. That’s boring to a toxic person. We like the thought of a church pursuing a mission of reaching the lost and helping people recover from issues. That’s boring to a toxic person. A toxic person *has* to engage in conflict." --Gary Thomas
"Jesus chose his disciples and so should we." --Gary Thomas
“When I make myself the hero of my life and somebody treats me in a toxic way, I’m tempted to hate them: ‘How dare you challenge my role of being hero!' Or, I’ll disappoint myself: I’ll sin. I won’t respond with compassion. Because 'I’m supposed to be my own hero,' I will *hate myself* for not living up to my highest ideals. I [am only free] when I realize, ‘There is only one hero in the Bible and that’s Jesus.’” --Gary Thomas
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What really helps you focus on Jesus at Christmas? ​
//: Do the Next Thing: ​
Find Gary's book, When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom From Toxic People ​here.
Gary's blog--full of resources? Here.
Find that paradigm-shifting marriage book he mentioned here.
Answer that Question of the Week or find us on our HIMH Podcast FB Page here.
For More? Here.

Episode 102: Ministry Update and Q & A with Matt & Laurie

Guys? We got some big changes coming to Hole in My Heart Ministries, and we are excited to share them with you today.
In addition to the changes, we are exploring a couple of your questions with some answers:
Why does marriage have to be between one man and one woman? (We share our top three--well, four--favorite reasons.)
How do we walk with and speak truth to a believer who believes a same-sex, romantic relationship is right for them? (We offer some specific help.)
Let's dig in!
 
//: Highlights:
"You guys didn't assume the 'Why marriage?' question. That's what's been really unique about learning this stuff together with you: You dared to ask that question." --Steve
"Matt is so different from me to represent how God is so different from us--and yet he wants to marry us! That's bananas! It's not cosmic joke. That's beautiful cosmic design. That's worth dying to yourself for." --Laurie
"With these questions there is always a sense we need to call them away from what they are doing. 'I need to somehow convince them that that is the wrong the to do.' Honestly? That's a theology of 'no.' ... Your job as the friend is *not* to have them say 'no' to this thing over here, but say, 'How can we more and more and more say 'yes' to God?' --Matt ​
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What is the most annoying sound?
//: Do the Next Thing: ​
Read Preston Sprinkle's People to Be Loved to learn more about why God's design for marriage is between a man and a woman.
We refer to this pastoral paper a few times on the episode.
To hear more about the changes, read it on the podcast episode page.
To follow all of our shenanigans, find us here on IG.
For More? Here. 

Episode 101: Exchanging Our Dreams for God’s Desires with Lauren Chandler

God puts a dream inside of all of us.
Wait. Does He?
How does that work? And how do you know if it is a selfish one or something that is literally from Him? And what about those of us who feel like expendable folks--with "worthless" or no dreams?
Lauren Chandler, wife to Matt Chandler (yes, that Matt Chandler), and mother of three, is a worship leader, author, and helper of us in this conversation about how can we balance our dreams with God's desires.
It's a poignant interview that includes God taking a starry-eyed Lauren through an addiction group (Celebrate Recovery) to help her see her life (and dreams) are all about Jesus.
Join us.
 
//: Highlights:
"We are always going to be a worse version of somebody else. We are meant to be original. Ourselves." --Lauren Chandler
"Here I was, the pastor's wife--young, but still the pastor's wife--and I am sitting in my seat [at Celebrate Recovery], and my heart is pounding in my chest. They offered this chip of surrender ... You could not have kept me from running up there." --Lauren Chandler
"I started to *see the people* instead of being the *focus of the people.*" --Lauren Chandler
"I think the way you can tell if your dream is God's dream is: are you willing to be open-handed with it?" --Lauren Chandler
"I believe there is going to be is something special for those people who did things in obscurity--where no one has ever heard their name." --Lauren Chandler
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What is your favorite part of the Thanksgiving feast? (Or another near holiday if you are not from the States?)
//: Do the Next Thing:
Check out Lauren's site (and find that children's book we talk about) here. 
Find her on IG (her fave social) here.
Email podcast@lauriekrieg.com or hit us up on IG here.
For More? Here. 

Episode 100: How to Hear God with Jim Samra

Many people abuse hearing from God. But just because they misuse the process, does it mean we shouldn't engage?
Jim Samra, someone who literally wrote the book about it, helps us to think about how we can wisely approach listening to God. (And that book title is pretty funny: 'God Told Me: Who to Marry, Where to Work, Which Car to Buy ... And I'm Pretty Sure I'm Not Crazy.')
Jim also guides us through questions such as, "How mature do you have to be to hear from God?" "What if you are living in sin--does God still speak to you?" "How does the Bible interact with this process?" "Can and should we pray for a spouse?"
We loved this one.
 
//: Highlights:
"There are lot of people who abuse this idea: They are going to use the 'God told me' or 'God speaking to me' language just to masquerade for the things they actually want to do." --Jim Samra
"If I just had one or two points to get across, it'd be one: God loves you, and two: the burden of communication is on Him." --Jim Samra
"Take the example of voice recognition software ... you are training it to recognize your voice. The Bible is the Word of God--meaning this is what God's voice sounds like. The more time you spend with the Bible, the more you are trained, 'This is what God says.'" --Jim Samra
"If you're going to wait until you're holy enough to hear from God--that's just not how it works ... While you are *still wrestling with sanctification* God still speaks to you.... Just give Him a chance." --Jim Samra ​
//: Do the Next Thing:
Find Jim and Lisa Samra's website here.
Jim's book on listening to God? Find it here.
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What did you want to be when you grew up—when you were 5-8 years old?
Email podcast@lauriekrieg.com, or find Laurie Krieg on Instagram.
For More.

Episode 99: A Gender Conversation Part 2 with Heather Skriba

This is another episode where if we could pay you to listen to it, we would. We believe it is that important.
Heather was born female, but in her young twenties, fully socially transitioned to male. Now, she is again living as her born-female self, and is running toward Jesus.
How did this happen?
You know, for all the conversations we have about gender/sexuality/etc., it's funny that we keep waiting for the answer to, "How did this happen?" to be something other than the gospel. Something other than learning how to suffer well alongside each other. Something other than surrendering idols and learning to experience God.
But it isn't. The good news of the the gospel is it is good news for everyone and everyone's pain. So, the answer to "How did this happen?" once again is the gospel.
Listen to another version of *specifically how* the gospel is good news for everyone every day alongside us today. ​
 
//: Highlights:
"There are people in my life that didn't call me by name for two years, and by extension, didn't use a pronoun when referring to me ... How can you expect to have any trust or relational equity built if you are not even willing to refer to someone in a way that distinguishes them as human?" --Heather Skriba
"I didn't know how to let God into the painful, hurting, and dark places of my heart--not just gender-- but anxiety, codependency, insecurity, and self hatred. I didn't know how to access the heart of God in those places ... I think that is something that is really missing from a lot of relationships when people try to walk with LGBT people and LGBT Christians." --Heather Skriba
"So often for trans guys, surgery is looked at as, 'This is the thing that is going to make everything else okay.' ... But I remember the first time I looked down at my chest, and I had this sinking feeling of, 'This is not what I was hoping it would be. I mean, it's good, but this is surface level ... This was supposed to be *it,* and it's not." --Heather Skriba
//: Do the Next Thing:
Heather works with our friend Ty at Walls Down Ministries. Find it here.
Heather also recommends www.theallendercenter.org and Ransomed Heart that have helped her on her journey. (She also recommended us, but, we don't need to refer you to us, but we are grateful for the shout out. :) )
You want to talk with Heather? Hit us up, and we will connect you at podcast@lauriekrieg.com
Listen to A Gender Conversation Part 1 here.
Heather mentions how her church connected to her. Want to learn more about how your church can approach people like Heather? Here is a pastoral paper on it.
//: Question of the Week for Next Week:
What is your current life song? What song describes the season of life you are having (or day you are having)?
Email podcast@lauriekrieg.com or find us on Instagram.
For More.